Last season I met this guy on the running circuit. Let's just call him RFM. RFM is training for the 2012 Olympic Trials, which he is yet to qualify for, and is doing a piss poor job at it. On the circuit he would come up to me at every race because he felt I was his friendly rival. I had no idea who the guy was and I should have realized that he was just some jock weekend warrior with a little too much extra testosterone.
Let me give you an example. RFM comes up to me at a 5k race and explains how he is going to destroy me today because of his new carbo loading regimine. I wish him luck and go into my pre race routine. When the gun goes off RFM flies out of the gate at a sub 4 minute mile pace. He makes it to the first turn and there he is vomiting the Bavarian Cream Donuts he ate thinking that they would strengthen his bones with the calcium in the cream, give him some prolonged energy in the carbs and the caffeine in the chocolate would be his opening kick. Some new carbo loading skill. He continued this pattern until the first water station where he pulled out because the race was too "slow for his talents"
After a few races where he would come up and trash talk me, run something foolish only to DNF, I decided to get to know this guy a little better. My curiosity was killing me, I needed to know what made this guy tick. Overall he seemed like a good guy. Overly competitive from his college frat days and just looking for an outlet for this competitiveness. We became friends and shared training logs with each other to keep motivated over the cold winter months.
RFM took a few months off due to injuring himself from his odd training plan. He said it was by choice, but I know it was injury. When he came back, I thought that the hiatus would show him that he needed to train smarter. I offered to train with him. We decided to meet for a 20 mile run. The rest of this blog is dedicated to how it went down and how he is now a true rival of mine!
This past weekend I went out the Hills of Barrington to run with a person who I thought was a buddy of mine. Some of you may know him as "running fast man." More like "running foolish man." It was supposed to be a nice long run and a time to socialize, but ever since he got it in his head that Ryan Hall is a "pussy" and that he would be the one to save American distance running, his training has gone to his head.
So he posts about me in his blog the other day and complains that my ultra marathon training is too slow for his Olympic aspirations. What he doesn't realize is that my "slow and steady" beat him back to the start. But boy was he mean in his blog. He even went as far to insult my ability to coach. "Those without talent coach, those who can't coach bowl." What the heck does that even mean. My coaching skills are just fine, and just because I never ran competitively doesn't mean that I am not a good runner kind sir.
But I won't let it get to me. First of all, he can't even get my name right. It's Mark. Second of all his idea of "having fun" was calling me Ryan Hall the whole time, which I quickly gathered was a derogatory remark to my ultimate "slowness." At least I didn't spend the whole run vomiting on the side of the road.
So to you RFM, a challenge. Let us race the marathon distance. I shall spot you some by racing a half marathon the day before. I dare you to keep up. This is not the last blog post you will see from me, I intend to remind you how much better my training is to yours and how much faster I will be this coming season.
I could just let my legs do the talking, but I know that won't destroy your ego the way I need to. Good luck to you, and I can't wait until this "Ryan Hall" is waiting for you at the finish line with a wheel chair, IV, and the winner's medal around my neck.
